A Haunting Grief

ASHLEY CURTICE

A tormented ache. 

My heart grows numb 

with the reminder of 

a desire lost. 

A feeling 

that never fades. 

My sorrowful eyes 

focus on her, 

like binoculars to a spy. 

Her glowing face, 

full of joy. 

Her round belly 

filled with the 

promise of life. 

Resentment engulfs me 

like flames to a prairie. 

Words can’t express 

the feeling that haunts me, 

every time I see a reminder 

of all my hopes lost. 

Crumbled into a pile, 

and brushed away. 

Suddenly, everywhere 

all the baby talk in the air- 

from the beaming mother and 

her newborn babe,  

to the expectant father 

with his first sonogram. 

Grandparents with little onesies 

and bottles in hand. 

All reminders of what we lost. 

Jaded by the traumatic turn. 

I will never feel the same 

about those things again. 

Always bringing up 

feelings of sorrow. 

The shock came slow, 

then all at once. 

They said the heart stopped, 

a life was lost. 

My own heart hung 

in that moment. 

Despair washed over me. 

We waited so long 

to hear those beats, and 

in an instant, 

we were crushed. 

A surreal feeling 

took over the room. 

I will never forget 

The day our future died. 

The reminders 

constantly causing misery 

to my already miserable mind. 

October 15th 

A candle is lit 

My only solace 

to what I 

couldn’t prevent.