For Those That Suffer

ANGELA FERDINARDO

Inhale; exhale. 

A surge of electricity engulfs my brain and I am floating; 

levitation. 

Inhale; exhale. 

Numbness falls upon my tongue, 

my arm is a wet noodle laid upon a bed of pins and needles. 

I try with all my might to curl my toes, but the end result is frustrating and fruitless; 

paralysis.  

Inhale; exhale, 

like I am blowing on hot soup. 

Tears pour from my sockets and drown my face; 

I beg my body for relief, only to have it mock me in return, 

Inhale; exhale.  

I am a prisoner trapped within the walls of my beating heart, 

I am a prisoner trapped between numb lips and incoherent speech. 

Inhale; exhale.  

I tell myself my adrenal system is overloaded,  

I tell myself no one has ever died from a panic attack. 

Looking up at these hospital walls, 

while a needle pierces my skin... 

Inhale; exhale.  

Anxiety; 

a monster I have created and sustained for way too long. 

Inhale; exhale.  

I must not let it consume me, 

I must not let it control me, 

I must not let it hinder me. 

Inhale, exhale.