Uncomfortably Aware

Nicole Littlefield

You have made me uncomfortably aware of my movements.

Of my leg bouncing up and down,

Up and down,

Rapidly like a jackhammer drilling away at cement.

Of my foot tap, tap, tapping.

Tap, tap, tapping,

Tap, tap, tapping

A rhythmic sound.

Of the way, I sway my legs while sitting

Cross-legged with knees bang

Bang

Banging

Up against each other.

Like an endless parade but

The only instruments are the cymbals.

You have made me aware

Of the way, my nose moves when I talk.

Only slightly but enough to be noticeable.

Like a chipmunk.

Or a squirrel.

Or a mouse.

You made me aware of the way

I cannot stand,

Or sit, still.

The way I bend my knees while standing

In a way

That makes me go

Up and down

Up and down like an endless seesaw

Of the way I sway

When I am sitting

Like Newton’s cradle

Back and forth

Just because I’m bored

I have nothing better to do

Of the way, I play with my lanyard

Or the hair tie on my wrist

Or the string hanging off my sweatshirt

My phalanges intertwining with the string

My finger going

Round and round

Maybe they are nervous habits

Or just something I need to do

I really don’t know how but

You have made me uncomfortably aware of my movements.