Because I Don’t Know How to Say- Jessica Shubert

I want to tell you I feel like a cat stuck under a garden shed

But I also feel like a ghost

Careening around the house like a guitar solo

With my body buried in the garden

For so long I’m growing roots and it scares me because

I’d like to leave someday

I want to tell you to draw me a line between yesterday and today

I want to tell you to sing me the difference between a house and a crypt

But I don’t know that you can sing

Neither can I

It’s just I have this thing where sometimes I can’t do stuff

Even if I want to, even if I have to

And I know exactly how long I’ve been here,

Waiting for the garden shed to crush me, motionless

While at the same time I also rapidly haunt in all directions

Trying to shamble together the plumbing

Between the thought and the action

Subject—Verb—Object

I ask you

Can I be two things at once?

I feel like a mixed metaphor

Sometimes— it’s this thing called executive dysfunction

And it means a lot of things; for me, I often can’t

Finish things or even get started,

Even if

I want to

Tell you

I can’t tell— is this an ailment of the body, mind, or soul?

Draw me

A line between them

Sing me

The difference

I ask you

Can I be all three at once? Is that enough?

Am I asking too much?